I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
