allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
