he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
