the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
