so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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