tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
