i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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