I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
