I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
