Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
