apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
