Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Randomize
