did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
