I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
