She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
