This house was built for laser tag.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
