I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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