Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
