It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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