If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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