I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
