A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
