i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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