you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
