Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Shame is for Republicans.
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