oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
