Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's always time for handjobs
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
