I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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