We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
