Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
