ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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