i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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