So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
