sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
