whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
