Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
