he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
