OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
