i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
