thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
