I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
