Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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