worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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