That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
oh god the rape fog is back!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
