Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my phone needs a breathalizer
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
