it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
