Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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