i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
