Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
