thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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