Redeem this text for a blowjob
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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