just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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