So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
